Love in the Shadows of Death: Women Who Fall for Serial Killers
It starts with a letter, maybe a photograph, sometimes just a name in a headline. For most of us, that name means “monster.” For a peculiar, obsessive few it means “boyfriend.”
Across Britain, Australia, and the United States, a disturbing subset of women have made it their mission to love the unlovable: men who kill, rape, and mutilate. These women write fan mail to child murderers, marry cannibals, and tattoo the names of serial killers across their thighs.
These aren’t just pen pals, they’re wives, girlfriends, spiritual brides, and sometimes mothers to the children of monsters.
The Diagnosis: Hybristophilia
There’s a name for this: hybristophilia. It’s a condition where people are sexually or romantically attracted to those who commit extreme violence. It’s rare. But it happens often enough that prisons around the world know exactly how to screen letters for lipstick kisses and nude polaroids.
While men have certainly courted female murderers, the phenomenon overwhelmingly skews female. The killers, overwhelmingly male.
Now, let’s get uncomfortable.
UNITED KINGDOM: THE MURDERERS’ SWEETHEARTS
Peter Sutcliffe (The Yorkshire Ripper)
Sutcliffe, who killed 13 women with hammers and screwdrivers, received hundreds of love letters during his incarceration.
Some women visited him obsessively. One, a former nurse, described herself as “spiritually married” to him.
Sutcliffe, whose crimes had a sexual and misogynistic dimension, was utterly unrepentant and chillingly charming to those who idolised him.
Ian Brady (The Moors Murderer)
Brady, along with Myra Hindley, tortured and murdered five children. He was universally reviled but he still had admirers.
One woman, a devout Catholic and prison volunteer, tried for years to visit him, claiming she wanted to understand “the evil in his heart.” Others sent him poems and self-portraits.
His reply to one fan: “You’re too young and boring for me.”
Levi Bellfield (The Bus Stop Killer)
Convicted of murdering schoolgirl Milly Dowler and two other women.
Bellfield received explicit letters from female fans while in prison. Some believed he was framed. One woman told tabloids she’d “never felt more alive” than when speaking to him on the phone.
Read this newspaper article from June 2023: Fury as sick serial killer Levi Bellfield wins battle to MARRY besotted girlfriend in prison while serving life sentence
Kenneth Regan
This former drug dealer murdered an entire family, including a ten-year-old boy, and buried them in concrete.
A woman in her thirties married him behind bars, insisting he was “the love of her life.” He had multiple female correspondents, despite openly threatening to kill witnesses in court.
AUSTRALIA: MURDER, MAIL & MARRIAGE PROPOSALS
Ivan Milat (The Backpacker Killer)
Notorious for killing seven young backpackers, Milat was a sadistic predator.
Despite that, he drew disturbing female attention. One woman, who had never met him, declared him her “spiritual husband” and wore a wedding ring in his name. She claimed he was “innocent” and being “persecuted.”
Paul Steven Haigh
Convicted of killing seven people, including a ten year old boy, in the late 1970s, Haigh became the object of intense female affection.
He received letters and gifts regularly. One woman tried to have him paroled so they could start a “new life together.”
Peter Dupas
A convicted serial rapist and murderer who mutilated his victims.
Dupas still received romantic letters in prison. One woman even claimed she was “inspired” by his mind and wanted to co-author a book with him.
Matthew De Gruchy
At 18, he bludgeoned his mother, brother, and sister to death with a baseball bat. He later claimed he was framed.
Several women, drawn to his “boyish looks” and “tragic past,” began writing to him. At least one offered marriage.
UNITED STATES: KILLERS, GROUPIES & WIVES
Ted Bundy
Bundy raped, murdered, and mutilated dozens of women. Yet during his trial, the courtroom was packed with female admirers who came dressed up, wearing makeup, claiming he was “too handsome” to be a killer.
One woman, Carol Ann Boone, married him during the trial and had his child.
Bundy received hundreds of love letters on death row. One woman mailed him nude photos with Bible verses scrawled across her chest.
Richard Ramirez (The Night Stalker)
Ramirez raped, tortured, and murdered at least 13 people in California. During his trial, he wore dark glasses and grinned at the cameras.
Women swooned, one of them, Doreen Lioy (pictured above with Ramirez), married him in San Quentin prison in 1996. She claimed she loved him “more than life itself.”
She believed he was innocent despite DNA evidence, confessions, and survivor testimony. She stayed with him until his death from cancer.
Charles Manson
Cult leader. Murder orchestrator. Maniac. Manson received more mail than any other prisoner in California.
At least two women claimed to be married to him. One, Afton Elaine “Star” Burton, was 26 when she became engaged to the 80-year-old Manson. Her reason? “He’s misunderstood.”
The kicker? She later admitted her goal was to use Manson’s corpse as a tourist attraction after his death.
Read this article from December 2014: Elaine Burton Mrs Charles Manson turns up with new wedding ring. She actually did it!
Jeffrey Dahmer
He raped, killed, and ate parts of 17 men and boys. He drilled holes into victims’ skulls. But even Dahmer had fans.
Some sent him money, others sent Bibles. One woman tried to convert him to Christianity through daily letters.
He didn’t reciprocate but reportedly kept the more erotic photos hidden in his cell.
Why Do They Do It?
The reasons women fall for killers vary but the patterns are disturbingly consistent:
- Control: The killer can’t leave them, cheat on them, or dominate them. Paradoxically, the woman has all the power.
- Rescue fantasy: They believe they’re the only one who can save or heal the killer.
- Notoriety: Being associated with a famous murderer offers a dark kind of celebrity.
- Delusion: Some genuinely believe the killer is innocent or that the media lied.
- Sexual thrill: The idea of forbidden desire. Of danger in a cage.
But sometimes… it’s simply obsession. One woman said of her prison lover: “I think about him when I touch myself. I think about what he did, it’s part of it.”
Final Thought: We Look Away Because It’s Too Familiar
These women aren’t from another planet. They’re nurses, teachers, hairdressers. Some are well-educated. Some are mothers. What binds them isn’t madness but something much darker: a hunger for meaning in places the rest of us run from.
In a world where loneliness is epidemic, where fame and pain are blurred, where horror sells better than hope. Maybe it’s not so surprising that some hearts beat hardest in the shadows.
But we should still be afraid.
Because the line between loving a killer and being complicit in their legacy is thinner than we’d like to admit.
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