The Unwritten Rules of Surviving a Horror Movie
The thrill of watching a group of unsuspecting characters navigate the treacherous waters of a slasher flick or a ghost story is an event we all enjoy. But, have you ever found yourself yelling at the screen, advising the characters on the obvious mistakes they’re making?
Well, you’re not alone. Over the years, fans and filmmakers alike have observed patterns and created a set of unofficial “rules” for surviving a horror movie.
Here’s a comprehensive guide to the do’s and don’ts if you ever find yourself in a horror movie scenario:
1. Stay Together: The moment the group splits up, things go south. There’s safety in numbers, so stick with the pack.
2. Avoid Investigating: If you hear a strange noise or see something eerie, resist the urge to check it out. It’s never just the wind.
3. Be Sceptical: That charming stranger might have a smile to die for, but in a horror movie, they could be hiding a sinister secret.
4. Keep Your Phone Charged: In the digital age, a dead phone battery is as good as a death sentence. Keep it charged and within reach.
5. Don’t Be the Hero: Trying to confront the villain rarely ends well. It’s better to focus on survival than a heroic stand.
6. Avoid Certain Death Traps: Basements, attics, and abandoned buildings are notorious for being the settings of many gruesome scenes.
7. Stay Sober and Virginal: Your senses need to be sharp, so avoid alcohol and drugs that could impair your judgment. Also, don’t fall into the trap of having sex no matter how tempting it may seem; this fleeting moment of ecstasy will undoubtedly lead to your bloody and untimely death.
8. Ignore the Clichés: If you think hiding under the bed or in the closet is a good idea, think again. These are the first places any self-respecting villain would look.
9. Maintenance Is Key: Whether it’s a car that won’t start or a flashlight that flickers out, poor maintenance can be fatal.
10. Don’t Ignore the Past: If the town has a dark history or there’s an urban legend surrounding your location, pay attention. History tends to repeat itself, especially in horror movies.
11. The Rules of Reality Don’t Apply: Logic and common sense can be thrown out the window. Expect the unexpected.
12. Final Girl Phenomenon: If you’re a woman, your odds of survival increase exponentially if you can make it to the climax of the film.
13. Never Assume It’s Over: The first rule of horror movies is that the villain never dies the first time. Always double-check.
These rules are a playful nod to the tropes that have become synonymous with the genre. They reflect a cultural understanding of horror films and the predictable patterns that many of them follow. For those who want to delve deeper into these tropes, there are plenty of resources and discussions available online, such as the comprehensive list of survival tips on Rotten Tomatoes or the essential rules outlined by Horror Movie Web.
So next time you’re watching a horror movie, keep these rules in mind. They just might save your character’s life—or at least provide a good laugh at the predictability of it all.
© Colin Lawson Books